A long full stop.

Finally! The family trip I've looked forward to for about 3 months begins tomorrow!

It's...exciting!

It's...worrying!

It's...stressful!

And I really don't know what to expect. I guess a great deal of me is still skeptical about it, since...well I dunno, somehow I have this really bad image of the place - that its gonna be extremely grimy, filthy, covered in disgusting slime and feces and mold and stinks like rotting meat and covered in freshly blown out brains. And swarming with criminals and evil people.

^^;

Uhm, yeah.

But I'm sure that's about to change, because I'm finally stepping foot there.

I just hope nothing bad happens. And I certainly will try to enjoy myself to the fullest.

And I'm so disappointed I can't bring my big baby there! Because it uses an xd card, and mine is only 1GB, which is TOTALLY INSUFFICIENT for such a long trip. *pouts* So I'm using my brother's compact camera instead, because his sd card is 4GB, which may be enough. HAHA

Oh well. I suppose taking macro shots on this trip is futile, so at least I don't have to worry about the lousy macro capabilities on his compact.

This has got to be the longest trip in my life. I won't be back till after Christmas! Such a shockingly long trip. It's also a bittersweet experience because I'll be missing so many fun and wonderful events happening here at home. But every time I think that, I think of what Michelle would say and do to me, and then I says to myself... "SHUT UP, ESTHER. KEEP AN OPEN MIND AND BE HAPPY."

Hahaha, I had a really funny chat with several friends about me finding some bizzare relic like a Giant Penis Stone of Fertility or some kind of weird rock, like these for example.

Phallic Rock, from Utah.

Phallic Rock, from Hawaii.

Hmm! These strange rocks seem to be everywhere! And apparently there's one in the location where I'm headed! I wonder if I'll bump into it. Some random article on the internet goes that there's a Phallic Rock very close to a Vagina Cave.

But more importantly, do they sell cheap merchandise?! XD I think if I chance across any I'd TOTALLY nab some up as a silly souvenir for some silly friends of mine.

Fancy a phallic handphone dangle, anyone?

So till then, this blog will obviously be very quiet, because can you imagine - NO INTERNET ACCESS! *GASP* Naw. I think I'll survive. I'm not hooked on Mafia Wars. XD

Take care, everybody, have a great Christmas season! Can't wait to show up some interesting pictures when I get home!

---------

On other notes, recently I've been introduced to the whole BB cream fad (about 4 years too late, if what I've read is right), so I started out with the one from Silkygirl since I got it as a present.

A quick introduction to what the whole lousily-named thing is. The full name is Blemish Balm Cream, but it got shortened into this incredibly ah lian name like BB cream. It's basically like a tinted moisturizer that works like an all-in-one product: Moisturizer, Sunblock, Acne treatment, Anti-inflammatory, Oil control, Concealer, Foundation, and some even have Anti-aging/Whitening properties. Suitable for all skin types.

So basically you wash your face, use your toner, whatever you're using (like acne treatment or eye cream whatever) and then use a tiny bit (that's all you need) of the BB cream and you're set. Or if you're not into all that, just wash your face, slap that on and go. My only advice is to make sure you wash it all off THOROUGHLY or you'll break out.

So far I've found Silkygirl's BB cream to be really runny and not that great. But it's a good starter and cheap too, to be sure. But I treat that one more like a makeup than an actual uh... face treatment thing. And it's kinda hard to get it off your face.

There's plenty out there in the market, and so I was digging around for some recommendations through the trusty Google. Eventually I decided to try Skinfood's Aloe Sun BB cream with SPF20 PA+.

Verdict so far: Love the scent, great coverage! Washes off well so that means it doesn't clog pores. But maybe I put on too little or something because the oil control isn't great at all for me. Maybe I put on too little, hmm... But otherwise it's a good product. I'll probably review this again after my trip.

I also bought this makeup remover + cleanser gel after reading a great review on it. And at first I was skeptical too, because what it says here is that you just squeeze out a grape-sized amount of gel and rub it onto your face, and then poof! It turns all watery, you rinse off, and you have a super clean face.

So I tried and used toner. And you know normally even after washing your face, your cotton pad turns up with some gunk on it? Mine came out totally clear. Woohoo! This one works like a charm! Totally recommended for people who wear makeup and hate having to wipe it all off with makeup remover and cleanse maybe multiple times to get that smudgeproof and waterproof makeup off.

That's Mandom's Cleansing Express Cleansing Gel. Very big tube, quite affordable indeed! Found this at Watson's Midvalley.

I also read this in a recent newspaper review that theBalm is now stocked at Sasa outlets. So I went to the site, and it does sound like a cheaper alternative to my favorite brand Benefit Cosmetics. I've never tried benefit, it's just such a delectable concept though. I still want to buy it, but an intern's pay is just not enough! Haha!

So I opted for this instead.

It's cheaper than the famous Wine Tint, which is a cheek/lip stain just like this one. And it's got more content than the former, so I decided to try. Stainiac is water-based, meaning you have a longer time to blend it in. Smudgeproof, waterproof. Comes in 3 colors. Sweet! Haha. I got the prom queen color, which is pinker than the very berry Beauty Queen shade. Will review it after taking it along for the trip! Haha

And my mom seems to be a Sasa fan now. lol

In conclusion, for anybody who is somehow interested in the BB cream thingie...I suppose you can just do research and look for one that suits you, but so far I like this source the best. Kimoko has done a lot of reviews which I think makes her opinion a pretty good one on most things, and she's a Singaporean so I suppose it's close to home and stuff. She's a pretty good read anyway so take a look.

Thus, my uber long post is quite concluded. I certainly shall miss coming online! Haha but no matter... Essie's greatest adventure begins tomorrow! TO INFINITY, AND BEYON-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH *gets shuttled off to whoknowswhere!*

Stop Motion.

Maybe life works that way.

Don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. It's a strange mash-up of wanting to draw fluff, write fluff, read fluff, watch fluff and...feel fluff, I guess.

There is a Name I hold extremely close to me. A Name that I am waiting for the day to give to someone.

This person, I do not believe exists. Nor will this person ever exist.

Yet I continue hoping against all hope, whilst holding on tightly to this one, single, most precious Name. This one person whom I will confer this name to... does this person exist? I want it to be so with all my heart.

So that when I give that Name, I will be given that Name in return.

I tried to give that away today. To discard it. It's useless, after all, reality is so cruel that such a person can never, ever exist. And even if that person existed, that person couldn't ever, possibly meet me. Because I'm just wretched that way.

But he picked it up today, and gave it back. "Please keep it, for I know it's very, very precious to you. And so I cannot have this Name, because it is so dear to your heart. And this Name does not belong to me."

It hurts to be rejected that way. It hurts to know that person is not yet found. It hurts to know that I have to keep on waiting and searching like this. Yet if even he were to give this Name back to me...

...does this mean that 'that person' is surely coming towards me?

Out this dirty old window.

Sometimes I wonder if it would all make better sense...if I just tried to please myself. Just make myself happy, irregardless of everyone else.

To just...do what I want. Go where I want. Nevermind what others think, nevermind all that.

Because too many times it feels like nobody would really want me.

Maybe I should just stop trying to make others happy. It all never really works out anyway, I think.

I'm always getting left behind. No matter how hard I run, I'm still going to be the one that comes in last place.

Why am I doing this, anyway?

And what does it take...for me to recognize that I did not fail?

When I can feel it. Feel that person is more than happy to share with me as I have shared everything of me.

How come...how come that quality is so rare?

Simple answer : Because I'm not worth that.

Ahh. I see.

Because stray dogs are ultimately creatures that no one will treat as a fellow human. As precious as a human. No. They are strays. They don't belong to anyone. They don't have anyone's undivided adoration, even if the stray worships the human.

Oh well.

Tagged by Ju-kitty.

=___= I don't know why people do tags if they're not gonna write real answers. Oh well. Kill time, I suppose. tee hee.

Have you ever been heartbroken?
- Oh yes. But I imagine everyone's heart looks like reassembled smashed pottery. It's just in varying degrees of expert workmanship, i.e. how well-fixed up the smashed heart is?

What is your favorite color sharpie?
- Black. Or Red.

Do you have a band you are absolutely obsessed with?
- Well, no. I'm not a very music-oriented person to begin with.

Does your mood change whenever it rains?
- Maybe. I think so. I suppose I start wanting to sleep. Or be romantic, like those typical scenes in TV dramas where it rains exactly when the hero breaks up with his love interest, something like that.

Have you ever fell going up the stairs?
- Uhh. I think so. Oh YES YES I HAVE! =D

Do you think you should fight for love?
- If I loved...I would conquer all hell for that person.

Have you ever had to remind yourself to breathe?
- Especially when I'm laughing myself to bits! XD

How good are your math skills?
- Terrible. The person who created the calculator app for handphones is A SAVIOR.

Do you ever wish you could be the opposite sex for a day?
- Oh yeah. But I realize now I'd be an epic fail of a man. XD Not that I wouldn't be without charm...

What inanimate object could easily be your best friend?
- Hmm. Tissues? I NEED tissues.

How often do you cry?
- Hmm. When I see beautiful things. When I hear beautiful things. When I laugh. When I'm touched. When I eat spicy stuff. When I get allergies. When I cut onions. When I... yes, I do cry. But I'm not too emotional, I don't think.

Where do you see yourself in five years?
- WITH MUCHO FAITH I DOTH DECLARE THAT I SHALL BE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!! >=D *stands on a rock in some heroic pose*

Is there anyone who puts a smile on your face as soon as you see them?
- Haha, sure!

Do you turn to alcohol when times are tough?
- No, I turn to my pillow. Sleep it off.

Have you ever seen a black rose?
- No. Just paper and picture ones.

Would you be willing to wait for someone?
- Certainly not too long. When the internal clock declares the person is late, I leave regardless.

It all gets better in time: true or false?
- Both.

What is the most played song on your playlist?
- I have no idea. Probably Nickelback - Photograph?

Are you one to constantly seek revenge?
- Sometimes I kinda wish I had the ability to devise great, elaborate revenge plots. But I don't have that talent haha.

What do you think of the band Cute Is What We Aim For?
- ...wow. What a weird name.

Do you make or avoid eye contact?
- Both, depending on where I am and who I'm meeting?

How often do you feel like giving up on everything?
- Quite a fair bit. Especially when it comes to video games. I take those stuff too seriously yeesh. XD

If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be?
- CHOCOLATE BROWN! with pistachio green and cream hints so I'll look like I have TIRAMISU~

How many people do you fully trust?
- A handful.

Is there someone in your life you think you'd be better off without?
- Oh yeah. Definitely. Some people just need to disappear off the face of the earth in the most painful way.

How many times have you been played by the opposite sex?
- Well, there was this one guy who got all freaky-crazy-like...Certainly not 'played', whatever that is. But me and some girlfriends did have to plot a little (over much giggles) on how to get rid of the pest.

Would you rather listen to opera music or heavy metal?
- Opera. Definitely.

Clowns are creepy: true or false?
- False, unless they're horrible clowns, then I'd rather smack them.

Do you ever feel unbeautiful?
- Plenty.

Have you ever felt like it was you against the world?
- That feeling increases in frequency the older I get. =___= I understand the appeal of Neverland indeed.

Would you say you’re emotionally strong?
- No idea.

What do you want right now?
- That handheld machine that massages you. I want that for my shoulder, a niiiiice long hot shower and a lovely bed to crawl into to sleep.

What was the last thing you & your mom talked about?
- Uhh. I forgot. Wow. Something about milk and newspaper ads and...curtain-washing? =/

Have you ever had a good feeling about something or someone?
- And more. ;)

Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
- No.

What do you usually do right when you wake up?
- Begin the Daily Debate about why I should get up from bed. XD

Would you ever get a tattoo?
- Nawww. No tramp stamps for me. You might regret it later anyways. Or you outgrow it. Or you one day realize "CRAP THIS TATTOO IS SO UGLY" and that's it. Too bad. So no.

Did you see a boy today that made you smile?
- No. Just men. XD Colleagues. I mean, don't you smile when you wish them good-morning?

Have you ever fell asleep in someones arms?
- Probably as an infant yeah. I sure would like to now though!

Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
- No. But I had to sit with someone smothered in vomit. *glares at bwadder*

What are you listening to?
- A business discussion and construction work.

What type of music do you listen to?
- Uhm. Music I like. I totally don't get genres and stuff.

If you could choose one season to be year round, which one would it be?
- Bright and sunny with a cool breeze. With biiiiig fluffy clouds in a blue, blue sky.

What are you wearing?
- The same outfit as the pictures up there on the top right corner of this blog.

Are you of legal drinking age?
- Sure.

Are you sober?
- Of course I am! NO SERIOUSLY. XD

Who is in the room with you?
- Whoa. About 20-30 colleagues? I'm at the office. hehe

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
- Yeah, several. But the one that stands out most prominently would have to be Enya - May It Be. It reminds me of the Black Prince. I don't know why.

Is your natural hair curly or straight?
- Straight~ <3

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
- Influence of...Asian Food Channel. I got hungry and started munching beyond my usual supper rations. XD And general overeating due to the weekend party.

What were you doing at 11 last night?
- Uhhh watching TV.

What was the last thing you drank?
- Water.

Reason behind the last time you cried really hard?
- Because I couldn't. And I had to. And so I wanted... and so I agreed. And so was that.

What is the last person you kissed doing?
- Hmm. Last person I kissed. Hmm. Uhh. Who did I last kiss ANYWAY!?!?!? =__= Does an inanimate object count... I'm so pathetic.

Has anyone told you they missed you lately?
- I....think so! =D

How tall is the person you like?
- 6'4". Fill up those shoes, men!

Do you have a Facebook?
- WHY OF COURSE I DOOOOOOO. You dummy.

This time last year, were you single?
- Heck yeah.

Do you want to get married and have children one day?
- It's only my life's dream. XD

Has anyone ever said they loved you and not meant it?
- Yeah. Definitely.

Could you go a month without cursing?
- Probably not. XD

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
- No. Not really, at all.

How's your heart lately?
- Good, good. Excited over my holidays.

Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
- Oh yeah. She's an adorable puppy. XD *glomps*

When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
- UHHHHHHH. Ooh. Errr... what, 2 weeks back?

Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
- Female. That'd be MOMMY!

Would you prefer being in an actual relationship rather than a hook up?
- Actual relationship DUH.

Is there a person in your life that points out every negative thing about you?
- HAHAHA of course! A life without such a person is like being a hermit crab on the Mauritius but is petrified of ever leaving it's tiny burrow in the sand. You ain't lived if you haven't got a bunch of everybody in your life.

Have you kissed the last person you texted?
- Aiyerr. Dorothea? EEWWW NO I'M STRAIGHT THANKS

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty hair?
- =)

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
- Indeed. <3

Are you one of those people who are always cold?
- No...

Everyone deserves a second chance, right?
- Righto.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
- No. More like 6.

Last time you held someone's hand?
- Mom.

Is there someone who makes you happy everytime you speak to them?
- Definitely. <3

Does someone like you?
- Like as in...like like or like LIKE? I mean, like, LIKE WHAT?! XD

Are you emotional over stupid stuff?
- Probably not, if its stupid.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
- Don't you wish you could have that remote control from the movie "Click" that takes you back to that last memory kinda thing?

Are you happy with life at the moment?
- Mmmmmokay.

Have you ever kissed somebody while driving?
- Nevar! XD

Ever feel like you're not good enough?
- Always.

Do you laugh a lot?
- I...guess?

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
- Yeah. Thank God for them. <3

When is the next time you'll kiss someone?
- Gee. You tell me, hun.

Does it bother you when people respond to a text with one word?
- YEAH!!! Don't friggin waste your money on a one-word answer! It's so impersonal anyway. Can't you say something like "OK. seeya later!" or "Thanks for the help!" or "Sure. Take care!", YAKNOW!?

Do you fake tan?
- No, if anything, I wanna be fairer thanks.

Someone just handed you $100,000,000 what do you do?
- Wow, seriously? Why? I'd want absolute proof. In black and white and witnessed.

What's something you can't wait for?
- SHOPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIING.

Is there anyone you hate?
- oh yeah. Like the dumb, hideous people that think they're so great when they're really so incompetent.

What are you waiting on?
- A...chair?

Do you stay up really late, or are you one of the first people asleep?
- Midway.

What color(s) have you died your hair?
- None.

Do you think emptying our trash, pollution, and waste on the moon is okay?
- No of course not! Don't do that! EEW.

Do you use the word 'epic' daily?
- No.

You had sex last night didn't you?
- How rude. No one asks this kind of question up front. No, I did not. DUH.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you?
- I certainly don't like it. But I don't hate the people.

Is there someone you can’t stop thinking about?
- ...I can't stop thinking about youuuuuuuuuuu! And you and you and you and you and YOUUUUU.

Do you have school spirit?
- Heck no.

What did you think of your current crush when you first saw them?
- OHH HE IS SOOOOO COOOL AND SOOOOO HANDSOME OHMAIGOODNESS Oh please sit next to me please sit next to me please sit next to me...YESSSSSSS!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA hey, I was like, 11. LOL

EH!?!?! CURRENT CRUSH!?

OOPS!

Well then no, nothing. I'm not crushing on anybody. XD Hehehe well at least you know something about me.

Do you like taking walks at night?
- Love it!